Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Where I almost defend Scientology...

So today in conversation after a person at work that follows me on Twitter made the observation that I really like "Almost Famous", I advised her that because of that movie, Jason Lee almost made it on the top of my list of the one actor I would choose if I only could watch the work of one actor. She agreed he was good, but said she couldn't get over the fact that he was a Scientologist.

Now, I think Scientology is a load of crap. Though I do enjoy a lot of Scientologists. Such as Beck and Jason Lee. I do admit that they do a good job of recruiting cool celebrities.

Anyway the conversation lead to how I think that Scientology is no more ridiculous than any other religion. It gets a bum rap do to the fact it was created by a science fiction writer and is fairly recent, as religions go.

I am sure that in the time of Jesus people thought the Apostles were crazy as well. I can see it now....

Peter: Hey Billy, do you have a minute for me to tell you about Jesus?

Billy: The guy that works with his brother Jose doing landscaping?

Peter: No...JESUS, as in Jesus Christ!

Billy: Haven't heard of the guy.

Peter: The guy is the son of God, you mean you haven't heard of the son of God?

Billy: Whose God?

Peter: Holy Crap Billy, sit down, let me tell you a tale.

Billy: You have 2 minutes. Start talking the Sun Dial is ticking.

Peter: So this lady Mary, was told by an Angel.

Billy: An Angel?

Peter: Think of it as a man, with wings like a bird, that lives in Heaven.

Billy: Heaven?

Peter: It's like a house in the clouds.

Billy: Birdman that lives in the sky, check.

Peter: Anyway, this Angel comes and tells Mary that she is pregnant. She is confused since she is a virgin. The Angel tells her that she is pregnant with the son of God.

Billy: Is Mary married?

Peter: Yes to Joseph.

Billy: He didn't care that his wife was pregnant with another mans baby?

Peter: Not just a man, GOD.

Billy: Anyway.

Peter: So Mary and Joseph end up having Jesus in a manger.

Billy: So the son of God was born in a manger, was it one of those converted mangers, that all the kids live in these days.

Peter: NO, it was your standard manger, animals and all.

Billy: Alright

Peter: Anyway flash forward 20-30 years and Jesus is spreading the word and performing miracles. Walking on water, turning water into wine, feeding like 3 million people with two fish and a loaf of bread.

Billy: Wait a minute. Flash forward 20-30 years? What happened to this guy growing up.

Peter: Not important.

Billy: So when you say he walked on water, you mean he walked in water right?

Peter: Nope, he walked ON water.

Billy: Well, I am riveted so far, what happens next.

Peter: Let me cut to the good part.

Billy: You mean we haven't heard the good part yet?

Peter: So Jesus gets crucified and died, FOR YOUR SINS!

Billy: I guess that was nice of him.

Peter: Then get this, three days after he died, he rose from the dead! Then he ascended into heaven, to be seated at the right hand of God.

Billy: So he dies, comes back to life, sprouts wings and flies up to Heaven, to play catch with his dad?

Peter: Well not quite.

Billy: So let's recap. This God character sleeps with this married lady. Doesn't care enough to spring for a nice place for the birth, so baby pops out in a barn. Fast forward this bastard is all grown up, and running a magic act, where he walks on water. He eventually goes into performance art, gets stung up on a cross. "Dies", then three days later, sits up and flies up to his house in the sky.

Peter: Well when you put it that way....


Anyway, I've also decided that the top level in Scientology, the level you get to once you have donated enough money, is that they bring you into a room. Pop in a video of old L RON, and you hear him tell you that it is all made up. To keep you quiet, they cut you in on the profit that they make. So in essence it is the worlds largest pyramid scheme.

1 comment:

Heather said...

That is some good material. I'll try to work it in.